The Sawdust Queen

I was reading a back issue of Discipleship magazine and came across an article on being immersed in the Scriptures by Jan Johnson. She shares an anecdote where she was wrestling with being judgmental in regards to a retreat at which she spoke. On the way back to the airport the Lord began to deal with her. I like the way she describes what happened:


Then I read, “Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye?” (v. 3). The word look is the same one used in Mt. 5:28 for those who look lustfully. I recalled how Augustine talked about the problem of “the look.” Adultery of the heart begins with the look that is too long, too intense, too intentional. I prayed: “Yes, O God, I confess I am looking long and hard at the behavior of the folks in the frontseat just so I can judge them.”

Then the words sawdust and plank leapt out at me. “Oh God, I confess to You that I am obsessed with finding sawdust. I am the Sawdust Queen, yet so weighed down with planks in my own eyes. Please forgive me.” I sat riveted for several miles, gazing out the window at the beautiful hills. I’m not a country-western music fan, but I almost broke out into a spontaneous song about being the Sawdust Queen.

I can state pretty honestly that I am at times the Sawdust King. May God give me grace to see it when I am.
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